Article first published as MYSTERY GIRLS Review on Seat42F.
ABC Family’s MYSTERY GIRLS is the story
of two former actresses, Charlie (Jennie Garth, 90210) and Holly (Tori
Spelling, A Carol Christmas), who form their own detective agency. See,
they used to star in a series called Mystery Girls, and when a witness
to a crime demands that he’ll speak only with them, being a fan of their
show, they get the idea to apply what they learned making TV to the
real world, starting a private detective agency. Get it?
This is pretty much one of the
cheesiest, most horrible concepts for a television show ever. In no way
does playing a detective on television prepare one to do so in actual
life. One job involves reading scripts of visually entertaining cases
and clever twists. The other is hours of observation and critical
thinking skills. They involve two completely different sets of talents,
and while going undercover might benefit from the ability to fake
things, because Holly and Charlie are famous, it would be pretty hard
for them to disguise themselves.
Setting aside a completely unrealistic
and dumb premise, MYSTERY GIRLS is still pretty bad. The characters are
two-dimensional, unlikeable, and uninspired. The antics are goofy, and
not in a good way. The writing is trite and inauthentic. The set up
doesn’t even work on the way the individuals are built into the
structure. It’s a failure, all around.
Where MYSTERY GIRLS might find an
audience is among the fans of the long-running drama Beverly Hills,
90210. Garth and Spelling are both alumni of that work, and they make
sure to include references, such as name-dropping Shannen Doherty, in
the pilot. For viewers nostalgic for the teen drama, some may be willing
to sit through even this schlock for a reunion of two of the main
characters.
I doubt they will be satisfied, though.
MYSTERY GIRLS isn’t just bad, it misuses both of the actresses. Spelling
has a natural abrasiveness that some find hard to get past, so rather
than softening her, they make her character virtually crazy. It’s hard
to sympathize with someone who does herself absolutely no favors and is
completely self-absorbed. Garth, meanwhile, is charming and
good-looking, so they make her a tired, slightly frumpy housewife,
almost as if they are trying to hide her best qualities. These
observations may be a bit harsh and superficial, but are meant to
illustrate how the program can’t even use what strengths it does have to
its advantage.
The third main player, Nick (Miguel
Pinzon, A New York Love Story), is even worse. A lonely, young, gay man,
Nick finds escape from his life in DVDs of the show within a show,
becoming a huge fan of Holly and Charlie. He is so ridiculous, though,
that he tells an actual police officer (Ryan McPartlin, Chuck) that he
has to give his statement to TV personalities. Who in their right mind
who possibly do that, and what law enforcement official would go along
with it?
I have to admit that it does make sense
for Holly to hire Nick, though. He feeds into her ego, which is starving
for attention, so of course she likes him. Though it doesn’t quite make
much sense that Nick insists on having Charlie present for his
statement, too, then ends up ignoring her later in the episode, having
turned against her completely. Even if he doesn’t like her personality
as much as Holly’s, his hero worship of Charlie should carry over for a
little longer.
MYSTERY GIRLS is lucky it’s on ABC
Family because, for the most part, that network makes low-quality series
that are fine for their target audience, even if they aren’t good
enough to make it anywhere else. This series may just fit in with that
brand, though it will be one of the lesser entries on the network.
MYSTERY GIRLS premieres Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. ET on ABC Family.
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