American Idol Returns, Unfortunately

***Warning: I am going to be harsh. If you are a die-hard fan and loved last night's American Idol as much as ever, I ask that you please do not read the following article, as it will just make you mad. I don't like to make people mad.***

     There is no denying that FOX's American Idol is a TV mega-hit that draws more viewers than any other show on the air. Even last night's finale, which showed a drop of 13% in total viewership from last year, and a 17% drop in the 18-49 key demo (the biggest drop in Idol history, and the worst opening numbers since season one), it still dominated the night. Quick side note, Live to Dance with Paula Abdul took 4th place in its time slot. Not looking good, Paula. Anyway, Idol could afford such a hit, bigger even than the overall network ratings decline in the past few years, because it was so far ahead of everyone. The question is, how long will that last?

     My best guess? Until next fall when Simon Cowell brings The X Factor to America. You can read plenty of Idol reviews right now about how Cowell was not the show, and this season will bring the focus back to the contestants, where it needs to be. However, I submit, Cowell was the show, and without him, it's doomed to veer sharply downhill til death. After last season's widely regarded crap-fest of a yearn, Cowell chose the right moment to abandon ship.

     The new judging panel was incredibly disappointing. Randy Jackson has never contributed anything worthwhile to any episode of Idol ever. A recent poll by The Hollywood Reporter puts him as the most popular judge of all time, baffling me, as I usually am fast forwarding through just about every word he says by the time we get to the Top 10. I occasionally listen, just to make sure he hasn't grown wise while I wasn't paying attention. Up til now, including last night, that has not been the case. At this point, I'm not hopeful he will change.

     Steven Tyler was probably the most entertaining judge. I don't know that he actually added a lot to the judging process, but his strange noises and odd phrases were more interesting than anything else going on in last night's tenth season premiere. That was almost canceled out, though, by Tyler's creepy uncle routine, in full swing last night as he ogled girls that weren't even of legal age. Lowering the minimum age you can enter to 15 the same year Tyler was brought on board was not a good idea by any stretch of the imagination. It's disturbing.

     Jennifer Lopez was the most disappointing. I mean, despite my criticisms, Tyler and Jackson were pretty much exactly as I expected them to be. I saw J-Lo as this year's wild card, figuring she would set the tone of the show from now on. She began by letting everyone through to Hollywood, with 51 'Golden Tickets' given away last night. Starting with the very first girl, who made my ears ache, J-Lo let mediocre and downright bad singers slide right through. You know I'm right. The other two certainly can't be expected to act as gatekeeper; it's her job. She got a little better as the night wore on, but a huge improvement is needed quickly if she's going to be any good. J-Lo: Please don't be another Ellen, whom I adore, but could not bring herself to criticize nice people!

     There are plenty of arguments to be made that the show is not about the judges, and much as I might disagree, I'm happy enough to examine another angle. Last night's group did not show extraordinary talent, though plenty got through. Idol's new optimistic spirit surely contributed to that. There were a few I could see myself rooting for with some work, but fifteen hours after watching the episode, I can't recall a single name. Not a good starting sign, as I can't remember the last time that happened.

     If I have to be completely honest, my favorite part of the early rounds is watching delusional people who think they have an amazing voice taken down a peg. With the current weak judging panel, that clearly won't make good television anymore, which is my best guess as to why there were so few genuine stinkers last night. I assume it was because watching J-Lo wince, but say nice things, wasn't all that much fun. Plenty of fans don't live for the bad singers, but for the ones who do, Idol has lost them already.

     I also found the opening, with all the explanations of new features for the show, boring. I was intrigued by Jimmy Lovine, and am curious how his mentoring will change later episodes. Other than introducing him, he wasn't involved in the premiere, which makes sense. He can't really start mentoring until he is provided with a group to work with. If nothing else, I'll probably keep watching this season at least until I see what he brings to the table.

     There was very little Ryan last night, disappointing, as he is the best personality left on the show. Where the heck was he? I heard his voice, but almost no comforting and chatting up the contestants.

     Tonight will bring another round of hopeful auditions, and I will tune in as I have almost every week since season four, when I finally gave into the buzz and began watching, except for one year when all my favorites were gone long before the end. If you dare, do the same. You may not be able to too many more years. I fear the end is closer than the beginning. American Idol airs Wednesday and Thursday nights at 8 p.m. on FOX.


Article first published as TV Review: American Idol Returns, Unfortunately on Blogcritics.

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The Simpsons are my Idol

     Last night on Fox's season finale of The Simpsons, "Judge Me Tender", Moe (voiced by Hank Azaria) became the judge of all things big and small.  This culminated in him joining another Fox hit, American Idol, for one episode.  Is it coincidence that this is the weekend just before the season finale of Idol?  I think not.  Though none of the Idol contestants were involved, at least all four judges and the host provided their own voices.  However, Moe has seemed to get quite a bit of screen time lately, and he's always a good time.

     The major subplot involved Homer (Dan Castellaneta) spending more time at home because Moe's bar was closed.  This drove Marge (Julie Kavner) crazy, as he was constantly getting in her way and screwing things up.  It was a real chance to see Homer try to be a man who likes to stay home and help around the house, and exactly why it's good that he doesn't.

     The Simpsons rarely brilliant anymore, if it ever was.  It's funny, and it beats a whole lot of shows currently airing on television.  It's a nice, comfortable old favorite that you can tune into and enjoy, but don't expect something new or groundbreaking.  The finale fit in that mold perfectly, and as long as the episodes stay status quo, they'll still keep their audience.  Myself included.

Simon Cowell's last American Idol

     Despite the fact that it will rob us of our beloved Glee until April, most Americans are glad to see American Idol return to Fox for yet another round of the singing talent competition.  It is is advisable to tune in tonight as the judges travel to Boston (and tomorrow in Atlanta), as this may be the last great season of the ratings smash hit.

     Let's be honest, shall we?  Everyone will miss Paula Abdul, who left her position as judge this season.  But the only real reason to tune in is to watch Simon Cowell deliver his honest and scathing criticism.  Fox and Cowell confirmed yesterday that this will be his final season judging the show.  While rumors circulated that he was playing chicken, hoping to renegotiate his contract to allow him to bring The X Factor over from Britain, as it was forbidden under current terms, his press release today left no doubt that that was not the reason for his leaving.  Yes, he will be launching an American X Factor in 2011 on Fox, but he felt he did not have enough time to do both.  Buzz on the street is that Cowell may offer former co-host Paula Abdul a berth at his side on the new show, and that would certainly make it worth watching.  If he steals host Ryan Seacrest as well, X Factor will surely take Idol's place as our favorite television show.

      What will be left when Simon leaves Idol?  Well, the only original judge on the panel will be Randy Jackson, the one who contributes least to the process.  Last year, a fourth judge, Kara DioGuardi, came on board, and despite her huge song writing talent, turned out to be just as useless in her televised position.  However, as of right now, Seacrest may still be around, and Paula's replacement once the show makes it to Hollywood this year is funny lady Ellen Degeneres.  It is too early to know whether she will be entertaining, but smart money is on 'yes'.  If Seacrest and Ellen remain, there may be something worth watching, though surely X Factor will beat it soundly.

     Anyway, we still have lots of time to enjoy the nation's favorite past time.  This year, anyway, it will deliver the same fun and snarkiness we American have become accustomed to.  Tune in tonight and tomorrow on Fox.