American Idol Returns, Unfortunately

***Warning: I am going to be harsh. If you are a die-hard fan and loved last night's American Idol as much as ever, I ask that you please do not read the following article, as it will just make you mad. I don't like to make people mad.***

     There is no denying that FOX's American Idol is a TV mega-hit that draws more viewers than any other show on the air. Even last night's finale, which showed a drop of 13% in total viewership from last year, and a 17% drop in the 18-49 key demo (the biggest drop in Idol history, and the worst opening numbers since season one), it still dominated the night. Quick side note, Live to Dance with Paula Abdul took 4th place in its time slot. Not looking good, Paula. Anyway, Idol could afford such a hit, bigger even than the overall network ratings decline in the past few years, because it was so far ahead of everyone. The question is, how long will that last?

     My best guess? Until next fall when Simon Cowell brings The X Factor to America. You can read plenty of Idol reviews right now about how Cowell was not the show, and this season will bring the focus back to the contestants, where it needs to be. However, I submit, Cowell was the show, and without him, it's doomed to veer sharply downhill til death. After last season's widely regarded crap-fest of a yearn, Cowell chose the right moment to abandon ship.

     The new judging panel was incredibly disappointing. Randy Jackson has never contributed anything worthwhile to any episode of Idol ever. A recent poll by The Hollywood Reporter puts him as the most popular judge of all time, baffling me, as I usually am fast forwarding through just about every word he says by the time we get to the Top 10. I occasionally listen, just to make sure he hasn't grown wise while I wasn't paying attention. Up til now, including last night, that has not been the case. At this point, I'm not hopeful he will change.

     Steven Tyler was probably the most entertaining judge. I don't know that he actually added a lot to the judging process, but his strange noises and odd phrases were more interesting than anything else going on in last night's tenth season premiere. That was almost canceled out, though, by Tyler's creepy uncle routine, in full swing last night as he ogled girls that weren't even of legal age. Lowering the minimum age you can enter to 15 the same year Tyler was brought on board was not a good idea by any stretch of the imagination. It's disturbing.

     Jennifer Lopez was the most disappointing. I mean, despite my criticisms, Tyler and Jackson were pretty much exactly as I expected them to be. I saw J-Lo as this year's wild card, figuring she would set the tone of the show from now on. She began by letting everyone through to Hollywood, with 51 'Golden Tickets' given away last night. Starting with the very first girl, who made my ears ache, J-Lo let mediocre and downright bad singers slide right through. You know I'm right. The other two certainly can't be expected to act as gatekeeper; it's her job. She got a little better as the night wore on, but a huge improvement is needed quickly if she's going to be any good. J-Lo: Please don't be another Ellen, whom I adore, but could not bring herself to criticize nice people!

     There are plenty of arguments to be made that the show is not about the judges, and much as I might disagree, I'm happy enough to examine another angle. Last night's group did not show extraordinary talent, though plenty got through. Idol's new optimistic spirit surely contributed to that. There were a few I could see myself rooting for with some work, but fifteen hours after watching the episode, I can't recall a single name. Not a good starting sign, as I can't remember the last time that happened.

     If I have to be completely honest, my favorite part of the early rounds is watching delusional people who think they have an amazing voice taken down a peg. With the current weak judging panel, that clearly won't make good television anymore, which is my best guess as to why there were so few genuine stinkers last night. I assume it was because watching J-Lo wince, but say nice things, wasn't all that much fun. Plenty of fans don't live for the bad singers, but for the ones who do, Idol has lost them already.

     I also found the opening, with all the explanations of new features for the show, boring. I was intrigued by Jimmy Lovine, and am curious how his mentoring will change later episodes. Other than introducing him, he wasn't involved in the premiere, which makes sense. He can't really start mentoring until he is provided with a group to work with. If nothing else, I'll probably keep watching this season at least until I see what he brings to the table.

     There was very little Ryan last night, disappointing, as he is the best personality left on the show. Where the heck was he? I heard his voice, but almost no comforting and chatting up the contestants.

     Tonight will bring another round of hopeful auditions, and I will tune in as I have almost every week since season four, when I finally gave into the buzz and began watching, except for one year when all my favorites were gone long before the end. If you dare, do the same. You may not be able to too many more years. I fear the end is closer than the beginning. American Idol airs Wednesday and Thursday nights at 8 p.m. on FOX.


Article first published as TV Review: American Idol Returns, Unfortunately on Blogcritics.

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Ellen, Team Coco head to TBS

     Sunday night TBS had a special lineup.  First was Ellen's Somewhat Special Special, followed by Team Coco Presents Conan's Writers Live Hosted By Andy Richter.  Each special was an hour.  Honestly, I watched Andy Richter's opening monologue, which was only very mildly amusing, and then I watched the first writer, who didn't once make me actually smile.  Then I immediately deleted the special.  Perhaps the other writers were better?  It makes one wonder, though.  Conan is hilarious.  He was hilarious even when his writer's were on strike.  Does that mean he's funnier than the writers he hires to support him?  Or maybe he just has better delivery.  He didn't appear himself, as he is still legally prohibited from being funny on television, as per his contract severance agreement with NBC, but he will return to the late night game on TBS this fall.

     Ellen, though, was superb.  In her fourth variety special for TBS, she knocked it out of the park.  The performers themselves were hit (the costume changers, the magician) and miss (the guy swirling on that pole), but Ellen herself was more than enough reason to watch.  She delivered a bit of stand up, and at the end took questions from the audience, some of them very emotionally moving, even if she tossed her trademark humor into the answers as well (example: she couldn't live without Portia, her wife and the car).  My favorite part was the video of her playing with the kids at the science center.  Although she pretended to be annoyed by the youngsters, and often drank 'martinis', as well as helped them rob a gift shop, it all came across as very good-natured, and it seemed like she and the kids were having a lot of fun.  Ellen proves you can be funny and nice at the same time.  America, here is your new sweetheart.  Not that she's new, but she is suddenly all over the place, and handling it quite well.

     Team Coco was a bunch of short stand up segments, much as Comedy Central does all the time.  Perhaps that's why it didn't seem as fresh.  Variety shows, once a television staple, and so rarely seen any more.  They occasionally pop up during the summer, and usually fail pretty spectacularly.  How does Ellen, herself so unlike the old stars who used to host them, pull it off so well?  I think it's combination personality, likability, and getting good acts.  She had Nick Cannon do the DJing, and both her and Nick looked genuinely amazed when the camera cut to them watching the performers.  She draws the audience in because she is so genuine, so relatable.  I look forward to her fifth, should TBS be smart enough to order it.  The 4th was more than somewhat special.

The Simpsons are my Idol

     Last night on Fox's season finale of The Simpsons, "Judge Me Tender", Moe (voiced by Hank Azaria) became the judge of all things big and small.  This culminated in him joining another Fox hit, American Idol, for one episode.  Is it coincidence that this is the weekend just before the season finale of Idol?  I think not.  Though none of the Idol contestants were involved, at least all four judges and the host provided their own voices.  However, Moe has seemed to get quite a bit of screen time lately, and he's always a good time.

     The major subplot involved Homer (Dan Castellaneta) spending more time at home because Moe's bar was closed.  This drove Marge (Julie Kavner) crazy, as he was constantly getting in her way and screwing things up.  It was a real chance to see Homer try to be a man who likes to stay home and help around the house, and exactly why it's good that he doesn't.

     The Simpsons rarely brilliant anymore, if it ever was.  It's funny, and it beats a whole lot of shows currently airing on television.  It's a nice, comfortable old favorite that you can tune into and enjoy, but don't expect something new or groundbreaking.  The finale fit in that mold perfectly, and as long as the episodes stay status quo, they'll still keep their audience.  Myself included.

Ellen lightens up American Idol

     Anyone that Simon Cowell calls a sadist deserves attention, and that's exactly how he described Ellen DeGeneres during a recent episode of American Idol.  Although the attention is supposed be on the contestants, the judge shakeup has caused more headlines about Ellen for the Fox show than anything else.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  As ratings begin slipping for the nine year old show, though it does consistently remain the most watched series on television, an injection of fresh blood is needed.  Last year's addition of fourth judge Kara DioGuardi certainly didn't do it, and so, with the departure of the unintentionally funny Paula Abdul, the show turned to a woman from whom funnies is not an accident, but a lifestyle.

     And Ellen succeeded brilliantly her first two night on the air, joining the team during Hollywood Week.  She was hilarious, clearly had her own opinion, and actually seemed to add something to the discussion.  This is a very good thing for Idol, as up until now, Simon Cowell has been the only judge worth listening to, and while the show has been renewed for three more seasons, this will be Cowell's last.  There are still many weeks over which Ellen will have to prove herself if viewers are to tune in next season, but she was off to a good start.

     Looking at the contestants, Big Mike surely has the most moving story, with his child being born the morning of Group Day.  Thank goodness he passed on through the first two Hollywood rounds, as surely every viewer was rooting for him, attending the birth of his first offspring only by phone in order to pursue a dream.  It was a tough decision, and I'm sure glad I didn't have to make it.  He definitely has an understanding wife.  Other front runners include Andrew Garcia, who did an amazing rendition of "Straight Up", Lilly Scott, who channeled Ella Fitzgerald, and Didi Benami, who sang "Terrified".  But they all have a long way to go, as there were 71 contestants left after Group Day, and they will be cut down to 24 next week.

     American Idol airs on Fox, currently Tuesday and Wednesday nights, though keep an eye out on listings, as episode times and days often move around a little bit with each successive round.