UnCROSSING SWORDS

Article first published as TV Review: CROSSING SWORDS on Seat42F.

Hulu recently premiered CROSSING SWORDS, an animated series in the style of stop-motion featuring little round people with no arms nor discernable legs. It is set in a silly medieval world, the type that could only exist in a cartoon unconcerned with realism, and follows a young squire who is on a quest to be a brave and noble knight. This is all the more challenging when everyone around him, from the monarchy, to his parents and siblings, to his neighbors and friends, have not an ounce of morality in them.

Nicolas Hoult (The Great) stars as Patrick, the squire who so desperately wants a life he can only dream about. His skills are not good, but he does have tenacity. Somehow, despite being the only one around trying to do good, Patrick keeps failing. Thankfully, his buddy Broth (Adam Pally, Happy Endings) will stick by him and show him how to have a good time, even if Broth isn’t helpful at all.

Of course, Patrick is used to not be helped. His sister, Coral (Tara Strong, The Powerpuff Girls), is a pirate queen; his brother, Ruben (Adam Ray, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), is a forest outlaw; and his other brother, Blarney (Tony Hale, Veep), is a clown. All three tormented him mercilessly as a child, getting him into trouble and sometimes causing bodily harm. Patrick’s parents, Glenn (Breckin Meyer, Franklin & Bash) and Doreen (Wendi McLendon-Covey, The Goldberg), weren’t sympathetic or protective, either. So you see, Patrick has had a rough life.

But like any young, naïve, eternal optimist, Patrick is determined to overcome. Which has led him to seek employ under King Merriman (Luke Evans, The Alienist) and Queen Tulip (Alanna Ubach, Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce), whom are depraved and horrible to one another, as well as their subjects. It’s a small enough kingdom that these rulers immediately know who Patrick is, though they often forget any past dealings with him as soon as he leaves their sight. Or so it seems.

There’s also a wizard, Blinkerquartz (Seth Green, Family Guy), though it’s unclear if he actually knows any magic.

CROSSING SWORDS is created by John Harvatine IV and Tom Root, whose names might be familiar to you if you’re a fan of Robot Chicken, another vulgar stop-motion animated series. Although CROSSING SWORDS isn’t made up of shorts, instead featuring full-length episodes and an ongoing plot, it contains many of the same dick jokes and similar types of humor. People often get kicked in the balls, puked on, and have chum thrown at them. Boobs and dicks are frequently on display on the toys. Death seems to have little meaning.

One might say CROSSING SWORDS is a more complex version of Robot Chicken, as if spun off of one of its shorts. However, the fact that continuity only applies when they feel like it kind of goes against that, even if other animated shows often do the same thing. Most scenes from this new series would feel right at home tucked into that veteran program.

CROSSING SWORDS is not going to earn these guys any new fans, but if you already like their style, then you’ll probably be happy. There’s an all-star voice cast, and although the special effects are jenky (like fire made out of cotton), it fits very well with the toy style. The images are pleasing and cute, contrasting nicely with the comedy. Details are paid attention to, with great visual gags, and the characters even look like their wood is aged and paint is chipping. So it looks fantastic. But people will tune in most likely for the jokes, which only appeal to specific viewers.

CROSSING SWORDS’ first season is available on Hulu and it has been renewed for a second season.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Frank's Pretty Woman"

     FX's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (finally!) returns with "Frank's Pretty Woman." Learning that Frank (Danny DeVito) intends to marry a crack-addicted prostitute named Roxy (Alanna Ubach, Men of a Certain Age, Hung), the gang decides to class her up a bit, a la the movie Pretty Woman. After all, they wouldn't want to be known as the "gross" group. But in typical fashion, the guys get bored, and leave Dee (Kaitlin Olson) to finish the job herself. That is, until Dee learns from Roxy that she can make a lot of money doing very little, and considers a career change.

     While Dee is off with Roxy, Charlie (Charlie Day) tries to hook Frank up with a better girl, more worthy of his time. His brilliant plan? Pretend to be a millionaire with Frank as his limo driver. The girl will show up, thinking she is dating "rich" Charlie, and then be ditched with Frank, who she will find in rich in spirit. Of course this doesn't work, but the way it fails is epic. In a very sick way that really could have been left out of the episode.

     The third plot line finds Dennis (Glenn Howerton) attempting to assist a suddenly fat Mac (Rob McElhenney) with his declining health. A doctor visit proves that neither one is in good shape, for completely different reasons. Of course, both try to twist the results to prove they are better off than the other, but the bottom line is, both need a major tuneup in their diet and physical regimes. Not that this is news to anyone who watches the series.

     McElhenney actually did gain fifty pounds before filming this season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, citing fat as funny. That's some real dedication for a sitcom, albeit one of the cleverest, most original works currently on television. The whole think could have potentially been pulled off with a fat suit, but by gaining the weight, McElhenney does lend "Frank's Pretty Woman" some real legitimacy. Let's just hope, for his health's sake, Mac makes a major life reversal soon.

     As to the worry that the gang is "gross," too late; they are. In fact, there are few characters on television as gross as the main staples in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

     Yet, they are also incredibly funny as a bunch of losers who spend their lives in a bar that they own and run. Their hair brained schemes and weird ideas make them more than your typical oddballs. For instance, in "Frank's Pretty Woman," Dennis is really craving some crack. Who, besides an addict, normally does? Not many people. Lucky for him, he knows someone he can get it from - his (sort of) father's hooker girlfriend! This episode, like many, will have viewers almost constantly cracking up at the things the characters say and do.

     The ending of "Frank's Pretty Woman" demonstrates perfectly what kind of people this gang is. Roxy dies of an overdose just as Frank is proposing. They drag her out in the hall, and plan to call 9-1-1 from a pay phone, anonymously. You know, if it's convenient. They certainly don't want to have to worry about answering questions and filling out paperwork. That would inconvenience their (planned?) fun evening, which will surely involve drinking at the bar they own. Never mind that a human life has ended, and one Frank presumably loves.

     The gang doesn't concern themselves with anyone but themselves. They are TV's most narcissistic group since Seinfeld. They especially don't care about their customers, which is probably why there are almost never any in their bar. Just don't ask questions about how they manage to stay open and (barely) support themselves year after year. That would be too much analyzation for a series that doesn't need it.

     Don't miss next week's episode, which finds the gang vacationing at the Jersey Shore. It will involve rum ham, a familiar face, and two very different parties.

     It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia airs Thursday nights at 10 p.m. ET on FX.

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     To catch up on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with streaming episodes and DVDs, please click here.

Article first published as TV Review: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Frank's Pretty Woman" on Blogcritics.