GLEE Should Have Skipped Christmas

Article first published as TV Review: 'Glee' - 'Previously Unaired Christmas' on Blogcritics.

Seven episodes into season five, Glee is still telling a story set last spring, which makes it difficult to do a Christmas episode. The solution? Have Sue (Jane Lynch) record an introduction in which she says the latest installment, “Previously Unaired Christmas,” was the first holiday special made last year, but considered “too controversial” to air (while putting coal in stockings for Lynch’s award-show competition). Now, though, it’s been edited so it can finally be broadcast.

This does adequately explain how there was still a Christmas special last year and another this year set at roughly the same time. But it also takes us out of the story and reminds us that Glee is just a television show. It would be one thing for a variety series to this; it’s quite another when a serial dramedy does so, interrupting flow and feeling very fake.

Yes, Sue’s statement is a total lie, “Previously Unaired Christmas” being freshly filmed only months ago. The most obvious tell is that Heather Morris and Cory Monteith do not appear as Brittany and Finn, respectively, the former actress no longer being on the show, and the latter having passed away. Their unmentioned absences make the premise impossible to accept. Add a very staged way to get Santana (Naya Rivera) in the New York scenes, as her character had not moved there yet, and no mention of Brody (Dean Geyer), whom Rachel (Lea Michele) is serious with at this point of the story, and it just doesn’t hold up.

Now, Glee has always been a little bit cheesy, and some might say that’s part of its charm. The tongue-in-cheek reference when Rachel tells Santana she should drop out of college and come live with them is a fun little poke. And the matter of having religious displays at a public school is brought up and dropped, acknowledging that ridiculousness of the premise, kind of works. But Glee can do better than this, and it leaves one with a sour taste after viewing.

The story begins in New York when Santana brings gifts for Rachel and Kurt (Chris Colfer). She stays a few days in their apartment, and the three get temp jobs working as elves at the mall for an alcoholic Santa. Santana ends up filling in for the red suit, which is both antastic and a terrible idea. They try to salvage the situation with the help of a new “friend” (Bryce Johnson, Popular, Pretty Little Liars), but he just gets them drunk and robs them, leaving Kurt in a naughty, pretty wrong state.

The songs in this thread are good, if thin. “Here Comes Santa Claus” is a pretty straight-forward take, and “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” is mostly lip-synched, but at least the staging for both is fun. It’s less thrilling that this trio sings “Away in a Manger” with the McKinley crew, a trope that is already feeling tired, but overall, the NYC plot is enjoyable fluff.

In Ohio, the New Directions compete for the best Christmas tree in the school and to participate in a living nativity scene. The former of those stories just gives the show an excuse to tug the heart strings, as driven winner Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) finds compassion and hands over the prize to poor Becky (Lauren Potter), who really wanted to win but didn’t understand the assignment of a “green” tree. This also gives us a tame “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” The latter is where the offensiveness that Sue referenced at the start finally becomes apparent.

See, Unique (Alex Newell), Marley (Melissa Benoist), and Tina all want to play the Virgin Mary. That’s weird, because they choose to audition with a mostly-out-of-character, scandalous, vaguely Jamaican rendition of “Mary’s Boy Child.” Marley wins, but she realizes Kitty (Becca Tobin) holds the role in high regard, and so the girls get even worse with “Love Child,” a hilarious and very wrong number, to force Kitty to step in and save the day.

As far as making one feel the Christmas spirit, “Previously Unaired Christmas” does that in the most basic sense, with the annual softening of Sue and the generous acts by others. But the quality of the musical numbers is definitely down, and the tale feels unnecessary and not quite in keeping with continuity. As such, perhaps it would have been better for Glee to take a year off, as much as the format of the series lends itself to holiday cheer more than most shows on TV.

Glee will return February 25th on FOX.

Death Valley should die

     What can be said about the new MTV series Death Valley? Not a lot that's good, unfortunately. It is not set in Death Valley, if that's what you're wondering. Rather, it takes place near Hollywood, and follows cops on the UTF (Undead Task Force) who deal with zombies, werewolves, and vampires.

     Yep, that's right, the supernatural featured on many, many, many books, television shows, and movies right now. There is no attempt to explain why these creatures are in this area. Apparently, they've only been publically known for a year, and there is a high concentration of them near Hollywood. Perhaps they came to get revenge on the people who exploit them? That doesn't quite ring true, since they seem to have already become completely integrated into society within that first year, already taking jobs as prostitutes and the like.

     Basically, Death Valley is Reno 9-1-1, but with far more gross gore than necessary, and far fewer laughs. This is a bad combination. Too little gore on a series like this, no problem. But without enough funny to keep viewers tuning in, there doesn't seem to be much hope for a lengthy run. At least in "Pilot," the premise seems like a one note gag that will wear thin very quickly. Only time will tell if this assertion is true, or Death Valley will go somewhere.

     The cast isn't bad. Comic Bryan Callen (MADtv, Oz) leads the crew. John-John (Texas Battle, The Bold and the Beautiful) is appropriately doughnut-obsessed, much to the chagrin of his partner, Rinaldo (Tania Raymonde, Lost). Partners Stubeck (Charlie Sanders, Cedar Rapids) and Billy (Bryce Johnson, Pretty Little Liars) are inept, but come closest to echoing the more successful characters in Reno. Newcomer Kirsten (Caity Lotz, Mad Men) is much more prepared, though inexperienced and undervalued by her teammates.

     In "Pilot," Rinaldo and John-John go to a doughnut shop to confront a zombie. John-John is filling a box with pastries, and thus distracted, allows a sound guy to get bitten. Then they beat the poor man to death with a baseball bat so he doesn't turn. Stubeck and Billy arrest a frequent offender, and end up killing her pimp in the process. Billy is kidnapped in revenge, and Stubeck must trade the dead vampire's body to get his partner back. All fairly standard, but the execution and material is substandard, and thus, the plots fall flat.

     What Death Valley needs is better writing, plain and simple. These actors can handle the humor, but they must be given something to work with. Unless it's just a bad editing job, that falls to the guys who come up with the dialogue. In this, Death Valley is a failure. Or at least the first episode is.

     Death Valley airs Mondays at 10:30 p.m. ET on MTV.

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Lone Star anything but lonely

    Tonight, Fox will present it's new pilot, Lone Star.  The series centers around Robert / Bob Allen (James Wolk, You Again), a con man leading a double life in Midland and Houston, Texas.  As the pilot begins, Bob has been working schemes for his father, John (David Keith, The Class) for years, but is having doubts about continuing the family business.  When his Houston father-in-law, Clint (Jon Voight) offers him a position in his company, John is excited that his very talented son has hit pay dirt yet again.  But Bob sees it as something else entirely: the chance to make a real life for himself.

     In Houston, Bob is married to Clint's daughter, Cat (Adrianne Palicki, Friday Night Lights).  This is the reality that seems most dangerous for Bob to me.  Clint is certainly crazy dangerous, obviously having done something bad to his brother, who attempted to pull one over on him.  Clint also has two sons, and while Drew (Bryce Johnson, Pretty Little Liars) likes Bob, Trammell (Mark Deklin) is suspcious, and seems just as threatening to Clint.  While Bob claims to love Cat, and thus want to stay in this situation, I didn't really feel the chemistry between them in the pilot.  I'm thinking if it ever comes down to him choosing between the two lives Bob is building for himself, despite this one providing the solid income, I'm voting on ditching Houston.

     Midland is a different landscape entirely.  There, Bob was known as Robert, and only pretended to be in the oil business, swindling the locals in a series of fake deals.  Against his father's playbook, Robert fell in love with Lindsay (Eloise Mumford).  As the pilot unfolds, it becomes clear that Robert's charade in Midland is about to come crashing down when some locals look into who actually owns the oilfields that they invested in.  I won't spoil it, because the episode hasn't aired yet, but Robert has a clever way to keep this life going, too, although it further ties him to Houston.

     It all may sound a bit complicated, but it doesn't play that way.  Wolk shines in the central role, and the supporting cast each bring a great element to the table.  Palicki shows range, as her FNL character much more closesly resembles Lindsay than Cat.  Things will get further mired when Cat's daughter, Grace (Alexandra Doke), a main character who was not in the first episode, is introduced.  It was a really well put together pilot, and I am anxious to see how it will progress.

     Lone Star premieres tonight at 9pm on Fox.